So now that everyone is caught up, I can move on to the thoughts for the day. I really love the ability to journal and share this adventure. It is going to save me hours of repeating the same story that is still so hard to tell. And it is therapeutic. David and I took our computer to the Apple store near camp and it needs to be sent in for repairs. Bad timing for my computer to break! So, just picture me finger typing on my phone in the trailer.
It is really difficult to be a patient. And it is even more difficult to be a doctor and a patient. Even though I know that most likely, I will have the surgery and be cured, I am worried about the small
chance that when my final pathology comes back, there will be something worse found. And I am worried that my lymph nodes might be positive. I know that both of these are very unlikely to be true, but the thought has crossed my mind several times. Maybe now that I have written it, I can put it away in that closet of denial for a while. No need to waste my last days before surgery worrying about possible outcomes. But as a doctor, I have seen rare but awful things happen to too many people. Ok, moving on. Packing the scary thoughts away.
Camp is such an amazing place. It is a perfect place to be right now. There is more positive energy here than anywhere I have ever been. Camp is a place where everyone is accepted and cherished. I have watched the campers singing, dancing, playing, cheering, and loving each other. It's a place where you can do anything with hundreds of people cheering you on.
I can do this.
Lauri, I know I have nothing to say that can make a material difference. As a writer, I have come to believe that words can have real power at times, but this is not one of those times. Ican offer only the following comments:
ReplyDeleteFirst, that you are truly loved, and we are all hanging desperately on the results of your surgery. If there is anything I can do, please let me know, OK?
Second, I know that letting the days pass is so hard, but I really can't think of a better place to be. For me Camp Coleman was my one true safe haven. It is beautiful and wonderful and nourishes the soul. I hope you feel the way that I did.
Finally, I am well aware of the temptation to dwell on all of the scary things that MIGHT happen. There is no need to borrow trouble. You have excellent doctors and I firmly believe that everything will turn out well. Truly I do.
As we say in Mexico, Te mando un abrazo fuerte (I send you a powerful hug). Know that you are in our minds constantly.
Lots of love!
-Uncle Jimmy