Get me off this roller coaster

I had a few really good days, and almost felt back to my old self again. The constant feeling in the pit of my stomach was gone, I was hungry again, and was pretty impressed with myself. Thinking that it only took me a few days to adjust to this. But then, out of nowhere, I got really sad again yesterday. It's so weird because these feelings come from left field with no warning.  I want off of this roller coaster. David and I were on a hike when it hit me this time. It was so beautiful. Woods and trees all around, green leaves as far as you could see, sounds of frogs and birds, and happy kids laughing in the distance. We were hiking right behind camp. I looked around and thought to myself that this place is so beautiful, I am going to try to take a picture of it in my head so that as I go under anesthesia, I can remember the woods and be in a happy place.  That did it.

I can't stay sad for long because David is really good at cheering me up. It's our last day at camp today. We leave tomorrow morning to drive home. All of the campers are so sad that camp is almost over. They don't want to leave their friends. I don't want to go home either! David says that I should look forward to the surgery so we can get it over with and then I can start getting better. He is right. But I would still rather stay here for a little longer. I may ask if they need a camp doctor for second session.

After feeling crappy all day, last night ended up being really fun. The best meal of the week is on Friday night for Shabbat. Then after services, which were also uplifting, there is a huge long song session where the entire camp dances and sings together. What a blast! And when I say dancing and singing, I mean really dancing, running, spinning, group dancing, singing, screaming, hugging, whoa! Everybody gets into it. It's a huge camp wide dance party.

During services this morning, the kids are supposed to stay with their groups, but Ben and Jackie migrated over to me and David. They came over just before the prayer for healing began, and we were there arm in arm. It was perfect. Someone snapped a picture of us, so if I can get ahold of it and figure out how to put it on this blog, I want to add it as my first photo on this blog. (that is advanced blog activity so may need help from David ) What was strange is that the kids don't know yet, but it was almost like they do.

Tomorrow is going to be tough because I have to break the news to Ben and Jackie. I am going to be simple but honest, and somehow tell them what is going on without crying.  They know what cancer is and just lost their grandfather to cancer. So, I know this is going to scare them. But my cancer is different and hopefully, I can make them understand that I am going to be fine.

By the way, I want to thank our family and friends for all of the love and support you have shown us. We are overwhelmed and feel so lucky for all of you. Every thought, message, text, and call means so much to me. And the sign up genius website is nearly completely filled out it (feels like in a matter of seconds). You guys rock.

Love,
Lauri