Can't Hardly Wait

To get better and be back to myself.  Theme song for the day is one of David's favs from the Replacements.  I attached a link below in case anyone wants to hear the song. 

Today was a first: I woke up to an email from Jamie G asking how I was.  She checked my blog this morning and did not see anything yet.  So, I guess I have a few followers!  I am glad to share.  And I know that it is easier to check the blog than worry about calling me or waking me up.  For some reason, I really don't like talking on the phone much. It's exhausting.  In fact, just going to the bathroom and washing my face is exhausting!  So, I can't hardly wait to get back to myself.  I have given in to being patient and staying on my pain meds.  I am still trying to find the right balance of covering the pain and taking as little as is necessary.  But, the nights are still the worst.  Must be laying flat.  I am going to try sleeping on a wedge to see if that helps. 

As most of you know, this has been an incredibly shitty year for us.  I am trying hard to find the silver lining in all of this.  The minute that I found out that I have cancer, all of the little things that we worry about everyday just melted away.  I think that we all go about life living in a state of denial that nothing bad is going to happen to us or our loved ones.  But, it really can.  I guess we can't go around living in a state of panic about what might happen.  But, at the same time, this is going to change me forever.  I will never be the same doctor, same person, same mother, same wife or daughter.  Life is fragile and precious and I will never take it for granted again.  I know that this has also changed each person that I am close to.  Major mortality check.  Nobody wants to think about our mortality, but it is out there.  And mine has come into focus.  But, luckily, I will be fine.  And I will live each day more fully than before.  I know it is cliche but, let's not sweat the small stuff.  My room-mate from med school, Christine's mom, had great advice:  "have fun, everyday".  Simple, but true.  So, I am going to stop racing around speeding through life and try to slow it down.  The people and experiences that are important have just risen to the surface, and I am going to hug them tight (when I can hug again). 

I am going to change my dressings today.  This is crazy, but I haven't looked at myself yet.  I am a little scared for the unveiling, but will remember that the cancer is gone.  I think I'll have frankenstein boobs, and will remember that they do not define me. 

This is an especially deep post.  So, to lighten it up, I am going to post some pictures from camp below. 

Love and hugs,
Lauri

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8M7q5Mn3-oM

 

 

 

These are all happy pictures from camp.  What a perfect place to be the week before my surgery.  Camp Coleman now has a very special place in my heart.  The timing of all of this feels like there was divine intervention.  Hope the pictures make you all smile.