In-Between Days

So, I guess I was due for a bad day, and this was it.  I woke up in pain in the middle of the night.  The pain continued all day and I was pretty miserable, feeling sorry for myself.  My mom came into my room this evening, where I have been camping out all day.  She asked why I haven't written a post today and that I better write one so noone will worry.  The truth is that I have nothing good to share, so I was avoiding saying anything...very unlike me.  I think it's pretty funny that my mom, who is currently living with me, checks my blog every day!

Going to bed now, hope that tomorrow is better.

Here are a few happy pictures from Jazzfest 2011, for no particular reason.  The memories do make me smile.

Closer to Fine

Kori, Gaelyn, and I used to love this song in college.  In fact, Kori and I would attempt to harmonize just like the Indigo Girls, and actually thought that we sounded excellent.  I am afraid we did not.  This experience has made me think a lot about people in our lives.  How do our paths cross?  And then which friendships stick?  Old friendships have longevity, history, and memories that make you laugh.  New friendships are special in a different way.  David and I have had long talks this year about what it all means.  To reference Forrest Gump:  Are we the white feather just floating around?  Or do we have a destiny like Lieutenant Dan says.   Or is it some combination?  I think it is a combination.  And as I float around, I am grateful to bump into each and every one of my friends and family.

Exciting news:  I have gotten dressed in actual clothes for the last two days!  It feels good to get out of my PJs.  Each day, I am closer to fine. 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUgwM1Ky228

Good

 I slept all night again!  And I feel so much better today.  Almost GOOD!

 

Yesterday, Jackie asked me how long I would be sick.  I told her that I wasn't exactly sure, but I was feeling better each day and why did she ask.  She said that grandma said that she would stay until I was better, so she was hoping that I would not get better too quickly!  Nice!  The kids love their family.  And I feel so lucky to have them in my life.  They dropped everything and moved in to help me.  I could not ask for anything more.  I am a lucky girl and can't thank them enough.  I posted some happy pictures from our last family trip.  The kids are still raving about the Disney cruise.  They had the time of their life.  Love you guys.

 

And really happy to report that I am feeling good.  And love this song by Better Than Ezra. 

 

 

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/wm-A10302B0000062339C/better_than_ezra_good_official_music_video/

 

 

 

PS  Mike, you seem to really like Daffy Duck in this picture.  Should I be worried?

I Don't Like Mondays

One week ago today, I was just coming out of surgery.  I have come a very long way since then.  It feels like my recovery is so slow, but it has only been one week.  Robyn brought the kids home last night.  It was so great to see them.  I also realized last night what a commotion they make!  Robyn and Mike gave me a tremendous gift of 5 days of rest and quiet when I was feeling the worst.  And Ben and Jackie had a blast with their Aunt, Uncle and cousins.  They went surfing, swimming, fishing, and got fully spoiled.  Thank you Robyn and Mikey, you guys are the best. 

I slept the entire night without waking up writhing in pain last night!  That is serious progress.  Mom and Robyn came with me to see Dr. Wells, the plastic surgeon this morning.  I was nervous that removing the drains would hurt, but it was a piece of cake.  They are gone!!  And I came home and took a shower.  I feel almost human.  Kind of a cross between human and Frankenstein, but at least clean.  After all of that activity, I was exhausted and back in a bunch of pain.  Feeling better now.  I think things are going well overall.  Will try to take day by day.

This entire patient experience is going to make me such a better doctor.  David too.  He has been working a lot and was on call last weekend.  I know he can't help thinking of me and my recovery when he takes care of his patients.  Our eyes have been opened wider.

Treats, food, and help keep coming through the door and I just have to say that I love my village.

I titled this post "I don't like Mondays" because I like the song, but this is a good monday.  I like this Monday.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yteMugRAc0

Getting Better

...all the time.  I think I am turning the corner.  Stretching out the intervals between pain meds.  Drains are putting out less fluid (sorry, gross, I know) and will probably come out tomorrow.  I have a follow up appt with the plastic surgeon tomorrow to hopefully remove the drains (Yay!).  David changed my dressings last night.  Wish he was a little more qualified, but oh well, we did our best.  We (me, mom, and David) had our first stand-up look in the mirror, and...not so bad!  I don't look like I used to, but it's not too scary.  I do look a bit like Frankenstein's bride, but this is a work in progress.  I was pleasantly surprised, and kept reminding myself (like Dorrie told me to) that the cancer is gone.  It's GONE!  And I am getting better...all the time :)

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXkokyBlktA

 

 

This is from Mother's Day this year.  Just a little while ago, before the storm hit.  Sorry, Mike.  I wasn't supposed to put in any more pictures of David, but I don't have many without him!

 

Can't Hardly Wait

To get better and be back to myself.  Theme song for the day is one of David's favs from the Replacements.  I attached a link below in case anyone wants to hear the song. 

Today was a first: I woke up to an email from Jamie G asking how I was.  She checked my blog this morning and did not see anything yet.  So, I guess I have a few followers!  I am glad to share.  And I know that it is easier to check the blog than worry about calling me or waking me up.  For some reason, I really don't like talking on the phone much. It's exhausting.  In fact, just going to the bathroom and washing my face is exhausting!  So, I can't hardly wait to get back to myself.  I have given in to being patient and staying on my pain meds.  I am still trying to find the right balance of covering the pain and taking as little as is necessary.  But, the nights are still the worst.  Must be laying flat.  I am going to try sleeping on a wedge to see if that helps. 

As most of you know, this has been an incredibly shitty year for us.  I am trying hard to find the silver lining in all of this.  The minute that I found out that I have cancer, all of the little things that we worry about everyday just melted away.  I think that we all go about life living in a state of denial that nothing bad is going to happen to us or our loved ones.  But, it really can.  I guess we can't go around living in a state of panic about what might happen.  But, at the same time, this is going to change me forever.  I will never be the same doctor, same person, same mother, same wife or daughter.  Life is fragile and precious and I will never take it for granted again.  I know that this has also changed each person that I am close to.  Major mortality check.  Nobody wants to think about our mortality, but it is out there.  And mine has come into focus.  But, luckily, I will be fine.  And I will live each day more fully than before.  I know it is cliche but, let's not sweat the small stuff.  My room-mate from med school, Christine's mom, had great advice:  "have fun, everyday".  Simple, but true.  So, I am going to stop racing around speeding through life and try to slow it down.  The people and experiences that are important have just risen to the surface, and I am going to hug them tight (when I can hug again). 

I am going to change my dressings today.  This is crazy, but I haven't looked at myself yet.  I am a little scared for the unveiling, but will remember that the cancer is gone.  I think I'll have frankenstein boobs, and will remember that they do not define me. 

This is an especially deep post.  So, to lighten it up, I am going to post some pictures from camp below. 

Love and hugs,
Lauri

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8M7q5Mn3-oM

 

 

 

These are all happy pictures from camp.  What a perfect place to be the week before my surgery.  Camp Coleman now has a very special place in my heart.  The timing of all of this feels like there was divine intervention.  Hope the pictures make you all smile.